Alone

Oddly enough, Tyler has officially been gone 6 weeks today.

98 more to go until this whole thing is over.

But I feel completely, and utterly alone.

And I don't know if that's because it's just hitting me,

or what exactly is causing it.

Because I've felt like it's hit me already.

Hit me hard.

But I haven't been home in bed crying the day away.

Because even though he's gone,

the world hasn't stopped the way you imagine it to.

You feel like the whole world will end, it will be a disaster.

But life goes on.

Literally.

Whether you want it to or not.

Your world keeps moving..without him.

You still have to go to class, you still have to go to work.

It seems like I would be putting my life on pause for him for two years until he came home.

Yeah I obviously knew that I would still have work and school.

But I literally have no time to miss him the way I want to.

I want to just lay in bed and cry.

I want to be able to mope, and look at the pictures of us just wishing that this could be over.

But I can't.

I get up, I go to class until 3.

I get something to eat.

I go to work.

I come home, shower, and go to bed.

This is how my cycle of life is going right now.

Never changing.

And at the last second before I close my eyes at night, I look up at my ceiling

and there is his name.

Written in the stars.

(Literally, his name is on my ceiling in glow in the dark stars.)

And then I rememeber.

What my life was like before he left.

Only 6 weeks ago he was the sun to my earth.

And now my world is in the dark.

And it's bitter cold here.